White Picket Fences
by Jokess
Summary: We know how Shizuru felt about Sakyo, but what about Sakyo? How did he feel, and why? Rated T just in case.


Jokess- So apparently, being banned from the forum I'm on for 24 hours plus having a screwed up sleep schedule that keeps me up to at least three in the morning plus watching 70 episodes of Yu Yu Hakusho really inspires me to write fanfiction. Or, really, write in general but I don't have anyone to write to because of the banning. Plus, I don't think my inspiration and craving would be fulfilled if I wasn't banned. SakyoxSuzuru doesn't seem to be a very mainstream pairing, or well, not written about at least. So, without further ado, I don't own Yu Yu Haksuho.

**White Picket Fences**

She had reminded him of his mother. That was what had really caused Sakyo to take interest in Shizuru. From the way she looked at him and even the way she looked, Shizuru was the spitting image of the woman. The similarity was so startling that, for a moment he had thought maybe the woman was his mom. Surely that was something the spirit world was capable of.

Of course, the moment passed, but only when Sakyo had noticed the cigarette she held. His mother had never smoked, and wouldn't have started even if she really had been brought back to life in a tournament full of dangerous, deadly demons. Hell, she would have died again, and of a heart attack.

After that first meeting, Sakyo couldn't help but think of Shizuru. He had hid his interest well, using the fact that she was the older sister of the Kuwabara on Team Urameshi as a cover. Like that, he had been able to find out quite a bit about her. The specifics didn't matter; all that mattered was that she was nothing like his mom.

That was what had really annoyed Sakyo, that some stranger that looked like his mom could also act like her. So, finding out Shizuru was a hell of a lot tougher than his mom was, was quite a relief. Ridiculous, yes, but hate made a person feel and do ridiculous things. It was a lot like love in that way, or so Sakyo would assume from all the clichés he had heard.

Of course, tough wasn't the only thing Shizuru was. She was also kind, loving and caring. She had a heart; she just didn't wear it on her sleeve. Instead, she defined tough love either with a few blunt truths or several blows to the head. At the same time, she was also capable of dropping the tough and being there as a shoulder to cry on. Really, he should have hated her just as much, if not more than his mother. She was too kind, too caring so hatred was what she deserved.

Sakyo knew this, even believed this to some degree. And yet, he really couldn't hate Shizuru. He figured the reason for that was because she was like him, always looking for more, for something better. Sure, in her case she was looking for selfless purposes, but she would still risk her life if it got results. Of that Sakyo was sure, even if all the evidence he had was on paper and a flimsy meeting or two.

For a while, Sakyo had been able to really think about how he felt. Really, the fact that he felt anything at all spoke volumes. After all, people like Shizuru existed. The whole of team Urameshi attested to that fact. She simply wasn't the only one in the world who could have been the kind version of himself. Sakyo knew this, and yet, it was only Shizuru who intrigued him to the point of actually wanting to hold a meaningful conversation with the woman.

That he was interested in her, that was something Shizuru found out moments before he died. What she didn't, and wouldn't, find out was his other reason for dying; a reason that had nothing to do with being an egomaniac that would die before letting his dream be completed without him there. This other reason, it was hate.

Sakyo had realized his second reason for dying after telling Toguro about his past and about how he hated the life his brothers lived. They had honest, blue collared jobs and wives and families. That life style, Sakyo had always hated it, and would die before ever having to live through it. He had said as much himself. Yet, from time to time he would wonder about Shizuru, wonder if someone would, or could, make an honest woman out of her.

The idea that he might or could be that person, he hated that idea. Yet, he still thought of what could happen, and would think of it after he lost his fortune. The fact that he did think like this was another thing he hated.

All the hated he had, it surpassed his considerable desire to know about, maybe even to have, Shizuru. In the end, dying was better than Shizuru and seeing if he could change himself. After all, he'd only hate what he would become.

_fin_

Jokess- Man, typing in the dark was hard. Darn hurricane taking out the power. I think I'm even more nearsighted than I was before. At least things could have been a lot worse and I'm alive.

Anyway, there isn't as much ShizuruxSakyo as I had wanted, but trying to do too much seemed very out of character somehow. This seemed…more fitting somehow. Plus, there don't seem to be any fics featuring Sakyo's point of view. Near as I can tell, all of them focus more on Shizuru than him, and I wanted to try something different. Hopefully the story still turned out well, I didn't stay up to five in the morning with no electricity and a hurricane blasting for this story to, if you would excuse the pun, blow. So, as always, read, enjoy and of course, review.


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